Alright…I’m back.
It took me awhile to have the energy and interest in writing something on here again, but now the words are coming to me like a magnet.
During my brief time away from here, I’ve felt I’ve grown a lot. It’s because God has become the center of it all. The center of my life, where most if not all my time has spent.
For those that don’t know, I was raised Catholic. Typical Filipino, right? But that faith I had become dormant as I grew up.
In middle school, I started to have selfish needs/wants, and all I cared about was myself. Those things grew more and more in me through high school. I made things an idol, and God was far from me. The worst thing was I would go to church while this was happening. I was a hypocrite. I would repent to God at church and bury the sin in me, but once I left church I would dig those back up again. It was a vicious cycle.
I moved to Chicago after high school and brought this baggage. I was miserable. I had a hard time making friends. Far from my comfort, Hawaii. Far from my friends, who helped seed these things in me.
Two years in this miserable state, I decided to return to Hawaii thinking I would be happy, but my misery didn’t end. I started to drink heavily and made bad decisions. Hung out with people who didn’t have my best interests, but their own selfish desires.
I got into making beats, and brought this along with me too. I got down on myself if people didn’t like my music or hated on me. I doubted myself. I would look to God only during these bad times, and once everything was back to normal I put him on the shelf when I would need him again.
It was only recently that I finally knew the true power of God and did all this feelings leave me finally.
I met her last December, a strong Christian woman. We started to talk and hang out. I was pretty much talking and getting to know her for my selfish want. I was thinking, “Mannnn. If I make this girl my girlfriend, maybe I will finally be happy.” She would talk to me about God, but I would brush it off. Later, our relationship would deteriorate. Again, I would get down on myself and feel alone. I would ask God, “Why is this happening to me?” I began to truly seek for God.
It was then, that Shaun Castro came into my life. He invited me to check out his small group on a Thursday night over a month and a half ago. I knew Shaun through GroundUP but we had never really talked to each other besides small talk. I knew of his strong faith and respected him immensely.
I began going to small group along with Jessie, Micah, Josh, and Shaun became my mentor. I started to walk and reach for God, and a lot of the negative things in my life disappeared. I accepted the Lord as my one and only savior.
Finally, I went to my first church service at Grace Bible last Sunday. Shaun was graduating from bible school and invited me to come. I was very intimated and didn’t know what to expect, but when I entered LCC theater and hearing the songs of worship, I felt God’s presence. I felt God’s hand on my shoulder, like he was welcoming back. Welcoming back with open arms. I cried. I had never felt anything like that before. I had never felt God like that.
I thank God for her, Shaun, and the new friends I’ve made at Grace Bible who are helping me with my walk with God. My frienship with Shaun has grown so much in so little time, and I have deeper relationship with her now.
Through this time, I’ve taken a step back from making music in order to grow in my relationship with God. I know that God will bless me with that when need be, and it will come to me only when he wants it to.
I feel happy with everything in my life. Happy that God is the center of my life, and that God has something special in store for me. And I will not stumble and let worldly things come in the way of it.
-STAN
